Faithful in the Desert, Patient in the Prison

When I consider the faithfulness of the Lord today, my heart overflows.   Like a river, in my mind’s eye, I see the way His limitless love washes over the banks of my past, and I can’t help but swell up with gratitude.

Today is my son’s ninth birthday.  Most would agree that it’s a cause for celebration—but if you only knew what brought us to this place, you’d understand the powerful emotions that grip my heart today.

I married my husband, Chris, in November of 1995, just seven short months after we met.  We met at a mutual friend’s house, at a completely different part of the state from where we each resided, and for each of us, it was a completely spontaneous, entirely unplanned event.  Of course, God had other plans, but we didn’t know that yet.

There were some who were skeptical of our relationship.  Not us, though.  We had set aside time to fast and to pray, and we felt the sweet hand of God upon us.  Neither one of us was interested in making such a mistake, especially at the risk of our relationship with God.  We both knew that relationship was the central one, first and foremost, and it came before our personal desires. 

After we married, like any couple, we experienced highs and lows.  Our commitment did not waver, despite circumstances.  One of our lowest lows was the time when we lost almost everything we owned. What had initially began as an attempt to get completely out of debt became a terrible money pit, and we didn’t realize soon enough what action we needed to take to correct the situation.  The darkest time was the terrible summer of 2006, when neither one of us had any income.  We had an enormous mortgage, mounting expenses, and not a dime coming in.  Our sole source of cash was the paltry garage sale money we brought in on the weekends, and this was just so we could buy a few groceries, and put enough gas in the car to get to church.

We never missed church.  Though depression was sinking its fingers deeply into each of us, we knew enough about the power of faithfulness to get ourselves to church, no matter what.  And I know now what a sacrifice of praise is—because when you feel like your world is falling apart, and the choir sings, “I believe I’ll testify, God’s been good to me!  Through every test and trial, I’ve got the victory….” or  “Blessed be your Name when I’m found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, Blessed be your Name”—and you can still find it in you to shout and dance before the Lord, that is a sacrifice of praise.  It wasn’t easy.  Try being the worship leader singing those songs!  It didn’t spring from a heart of happiness, I assure you.  It came from a heart that was determined to believe that His promises are true, that He has good plans for me, to bless me, and not to do me harm.  It was a season.  It felt eternal, but it was a season.  We intentionally chose to never blame the other for our circumstances, but to hold hands throughout the whole trial, and with our free hands, we held on to God and His promises.

We came out of the desert place, we escaped the wilderness, and like the three Hebrew boys, we came out without the smell of smoke lingering on our clothes.  God restored to us all that we needed—and now, it seems as though it all happened to someone else.  I feel I don't bear a single scar from that time, but only gratitude for the lessons learned.  How is that possible?  I don’t know.  But it is.

The one place in my life that felt incomplete was that of motherhood.  I’d never been pregnant, and with each passing Mother’s Day, I felt it more keenly.  I tried so hard to reconcile myself to God’s will, which I believed was that He knew I wouldn’t be a good mother, so in His wisdom, He’d bypassed me.  But it grew harder to accept. 

To make a long story short, late in our thirteenth year of marriage, out of the clear blue, God essentially laid a little baby boy in our laps.  Through our wonderful pastors and their extended family, the opportunity to adopt our son, Wyatt, presented itself.  Just like when we sought the Lord about our marriage, we took some time to fast and pray, because we knew it wasn’t just our lives that would be affected, but this child’s as well.  We wanted the will of God for ALL of us.  But in His relentless kindness and beautiful grace, He showed us that this was just one of His many good and perfect gifts.

Just like that, we were parents.  In a day, our entire mindset, our entire vision of our future completely altered, and our whole paradigm shifted.  It reminds me of the story of Joseph.  Sold into slavery at the tender age of 17, he worked tirelessly to keep his spirit right, to trust in God.  He saw the rewards, but at times, I’m sure he felt the arid desert wind of his situation.  He felt the injustice of the hatred of his brothers; he felt the injustice of trying to do everything right, only to end up in prison due to false accusations against his blemish-free integrity.  I’m sure he shook his head in wonderment plenty of times, but he held on to the hand of God, despite it all.

And suddenly, at the age of 30, thirteen years after his betrayal, he stands before Pharaoh, and gets promoted from prisoner to right-hand-man.  In a DAY.  That day, he woke up in PRISON.  That night, he slept in a PALACE.

Do you understand that God doesn’t need you to make things happen?  He just needs you to TRUST HIS PLAN.

This morning, a little boy will wake up, knowing he is now nine years old.  We will spend the day celebrating the miracle that is Wyatt.  And this barren woman will celebrate the blessings of nine years of motherhood—because God has taken away my sorrow and given me joy!  Because I held on to His hand in the darkest moments, and refused to surrender to the bitterness that tried to pull me under, He led me to a place of gratitude and wonder.  Joseph named his two children, born in Egypt, Manasseh and Ephraim.  Manasseh means “God has made me forget,” and Ephraim means, “God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.”

God has made me forget the despair of the past, and He has made me fruitful, despite any affliction.

He can do the same for you.  Just put your hand in His.  Trust the process.  Trust the God of the process.

You’ll see the limitless ocean of His faithfulness wash over your life, too.

Joel 2:21-27 NKJV

Fear not, O land;
Be glad and rejoice,
For the Lord has done marvelous things!
²² Do not be afraid, you beasts of the field;
For the open pastures are springing up,
And the tree bears its fruit;
The fig tree and the vine yield their strength.
²³ Be glad then, you children of Zion,
And rejoice in the Lord your God;
For He has given you the former rain faithfully,
And He will cause the rain to come down for you—
The former rain,
And the latter rain in the first month.
²⁴ The threshing floors shall be full of wheat,
And the vats shall overflow with new wine and oil.

²⁵ “So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
The crawling locust,
The consuming locust,
And the chewing locust,
My great army which I sent among you.
²⁶ You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
And praise the name of the Lord your God,
Who has dealt wondrously with you;
And My people shall never be put to shame.
²⁷ Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel:
I am the Lord your God
And there is NO OTHER.
My people shall never be put to shame.